Worst Month Of My Life? Definitely Top 2 worst.

Been a few minutes since I made a blog post here. WARNING some graphic topics will be discussed in here, including blood, and other bodily functions.

Some of that is my disinterest in typing. In the past 5 years or so, I really have become a lot less motivated to type out long form content. Some of it is distractions. I have a game I play a lot, and a couple other online things I would rather do than post basic life updates.... I often even find it draining to do business blogs.

But this last month (February primarily, but the start of March wasnt amazing either) has made me at least get into the mood to do this specific blog. I had 1 of the worst months of my life, and possibly the worst.

Before this past month, I had 2 worst months contenders, 1 was when the only adult relationship I had ended, and it overlapped with a couple at home problems & a business hiccup. Comparatively it seems minor, but the break up really hit me hard, I still have some bitterness over it. The additional problems were just "icing on the cake" situations. The other worst contender, is the one I generally look back on as the worst. Also, a February/March time frame coincidentally. That was when my mother passed away from a heart attack on one of the coldest nights in several years, after out landlord turned off the heat, power & water in a fight with us (mainly me) over rent. I was in a legal fight with my landlord, one that we would go to rental court over just 5 days after my mothers death. The incompetent fucking loser that the government incompetently hired to hear our case refused to accept any of the records I submitted (a large portion of which my mother helped me compile) because I had the audacity to be 1 day late...... that day that I filed my papers..... was 2 days after my mothers death. The cut off for my papers to be in was literally the day after my mother had died. Because of this, I was forced to give up our dog & 3 cats, and I essentially became homeless for a few weeks. On top of all that, with no real place to sleep normally, I was physically exhausted, and after a meeting with the government to try & get help, which they denied despite notes from two different Doctors stating I was eligible for assistance, I fell asleep at the library, and had my bag stolen, with about $3000 worth of merchandise in it, including about $700 worth of items that had already been sold on eBay. This all happened in a 4-6 week span.

Fast forward to February of 2024, and the first few days of March 2024. February started off with me having a very mild pulled muscle feeling in my left pectoral area. I was using that arm a lot because I have tendinitis in the right shoulder, so I just thought I had overworked it. On February 3rd, it felt slightly worse, but still not "see a Doctor" bad. If the first few days was on a scale of 0 to 10 for pain, it was like 0.5, and now it was like a 1.5 to 2.0. I decided I would go out for a walk & get some fresh air & that would help. I couldnt have been much more wrong. Two blocks into that walk, I was very winded...... not something I ever had been before. While I am kind of lazy, and not a consumer of the best diet, I was still in my mind, in decent shape. I was already walking to a place I was going to eat before really getting into the walk, so I continued on there with the thought of "if I just eat something, I'll feel better". That didnt happen, during the meal I even felt off just eating. When I was done, I didnt feel better, and decided I need to cut my plans short. Instead of going on a big walk that would contain a live chat, I opted to cut it considerably shorter. I took the skytrain to a place that was only about 12-15 blocks away. A distance I would usually just walk. When I got there, I felt "ok", did a youtube short instead, and walked home. On the walk home I felt a bit winded, but not as bad as earlier. I got home, completely exhausted going up the 44 stair walk up to my floor...... something I only had ever experienced on days when I was carrying far too many bags of groceries, I was carrying nothing this time. I laid down, had a nap, woke up at maybe 6 PM, went on the computer & as my time on the computer wore on, I again felt tired just sitting there. I then decided I probably should go get this checked out. At first I thought about going to the walk in clinic the next day.....but as time went on, I noticed it wasnt getting better, and moved towards just going to the hospital which is only 4 blocks away & just getting it checked out. So about 8:30 PM, I headed over there, on the walk I mostly felt okay..... till I got stopped at a light & I realized I was gasping for air. I made it to the hospital & checked in.

After I told them my symptoms, I was told to go into the waiting room....which didnt shock me, and I expected to be there for 45-90 minutes, but thats not what happened. Instead a nurse called me over immediately (I sat down for maybe 20 seconds), did blood work, and she then told me to go back to the waiting area & I'd get called soon..... I didnt even get to  my seat. This time a Doctor came over, he asked a lot of questions, and told me I was going to go for some test that I forgot the name of.....but he did say to me the words I wasnt expecting, but also was not shocked to hear. He told me, without having done the test yet, he suspected I was having an active heart attack. He said it very calmly to me, but with a serious tone, and I acknowledged what he said. I never panicked over hearing it. A little surprise, but based off my families history, it wasnt a shock to hear. They did whatever the test was, then I was put in a private waiting room, with a personal nurse to keep an eye on me, till the could take me to my next stop. They rushed me in to do a procedure on my heart, where they put a stent in on 1 of my arteries that had an 80% blockage. While in there they found 3 others with partial blockages as well. When they told me about it later, and I asked about them, I was assured that where they are, most people can live long lives with those types of blockages if they are just living a safer lifestyle.

From the time I checked in, to the time I was put in my own room to recover was about 3 hours. Next couple days was full of checking my vitals, and taking blood. But after less than 3 days from the time I checked in, I was discharged, with a pile of new recommendations to follow.

The heart attack, believe it or not, was not the scariest thing the month would have to offer. After getting out, I was weaker than usual, and pretty fatigued. I was told to not exert much energy for a few days, and to use my right arm as little as possible for a while.....which was already easy for me because of the tendinitis. My time on the outside would be short lived. A day less than two weeks after getting out of the hospital, I went right back. This time, with a bleeding issue. WARNING - discussions from here on out will include topics that may make some people uncomfortable, including blood/bleeding, and bodily functions.
It started with me waking up at 4 AM feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom. I went for what i expected was going to be a regular bowel movement. After I wiped myself, I noticed the tissue had a slight reddish tinge on it. At the time I thought "I should keep an eye out on that", disposed of it in the toilet & flushed it. I then attempted to get up from the there, I instantly felt dizzy, weak in the legs, & light headed, and had the common sense to just get to the ground, so I didnt end up falling to the ground. I crawled out of the bathroom into the hallway, hoping someone would come by. I then threw up, and while I was vomiting I felt more come out the back end, so I crawled my way back to the toilet. This time it was a flood of almost entirely blood from my butt again. Now panicked, I crawled back out, hoping someone would come by, as I was afraid to stand up without someone there to keep an eye on me. Thankfully the night staff person just happened to come by while I was dealing with all this (it was 4 AM so odds of someone coming by were a bit low), and helped me get to my room to call 911, and stayed with me till the ambulance showed up. From there, I experienced my first ambulance ride since being a kid. I had the sense to ask them to get my pants & an extra shirt out of my room before we left, and had them lock my door. At the hospital, I started off in the emergency ward first for a few hours, they checked my vitals, took blood, but didnt have any theories on what made me bleed so much.

I was eventually moved to a different ward which I learned is for patients with prior heart issues. That would be my home for the next 18 days. From there, I continued with the bleeding issue for about 10-11 days. But just from my butt..... most of the time. There would be small breaks in between where there was no bleeding for a day or so, and it seemed things were going better, in fact two different times, there was talks on me being discharged in 2-3 days, only to have massive setbacks that including more full on blood discharge from below, and the addition of vomiting up blood as well. Three times I vomited there, twice with blood. First time, I went to the washroom in the room I was in, and while I was on the toilet, I realized I was very light headed, and felt like I was going to puke, so I pulled the emergency cord, and proceeded to vomit several times into the large garbage bucket that thankfully was in the washroom. Eventually the staff got me from there to my bed, and took care of me, and within an hour, I felt fine. The other time I was vomiting while I was passed out. I had used the commode they put in my room after the washroom vomiting incident, and while I was on it, I passed out, and came to in mid vomit. I dont know how long I was out, I know it wasnt long, somewhere between 5 & 20 seconds. But still a wild & scary experience when you come to mid hurl. Fortunately, a top notch team of nurses were on it immediately & got me thru the experience. All this blood loss had its toll on me. While I was in there, I had 7 blood transfusions, and even with those, my hemoglobin levels were constantly lower than the Doctors were happy with. Over the majority of the 18 days, they tested me 12 times (11 for the bleeding... 1 for a cough & fever I had contracted there right about the time the bleeding stopped being a problem), including multiple CT scans, multiple endoscopies, multiple colonoscopies, and a couple other tests I dont even know what they were called..... including 1 where I swallowed a camera & had to carry around a machine with me for the majority of a day while it photographed my stomach & colon. All of those tests brought back 0 results on where the bleed came from. It eventually went away on its own, and sure enough right from the beginning, 1 of the paramedics in the ambulance said straight up that a lot of times these things go away on their own, and theres never any answer on where it came from. Over the first few days, I was told that 2 or 3 more times, almost as if they knew their efforts would be futile.....but they still tried. Funny enough, they also did about 40 blood pulls from me..... which had to also have some overall impact on those low hemoglobin stats, as thats combined over a bag of blood....maybe 2? Those in itself were a challenge, as finding veins on me turned into an unfun challenge. On the first 4 to 5 days, the success rate was like 30-40%, almost every single person failed the first try, as they kept going to the same arm & in the elbow crease area, even when I told them everyone failed before them there. Eventually I just started telling them to try my hand, and they did, and for a little while that went okay....until it didnt. For the 40ish times they drew blood from me, I was probably poked 60+ times to get it. It was infuriating, because about 1/2 the time I'd tell them what wasnt working for others & what was, and they stubbornly ignored my advice & failed..... thus causing me more unneeded discomfort.

Eventually I was discharged when the team of Doctors agreed that me staying in there was starting to  do more harm than good at that point. All they ever had for answers to give me was, 1- one of the medications I was on for the heart attack, which was absolutely vital as well for the health of the stent, caused the bleed. They took me off it for a few days, but slowly put me back on it. Of course, I'm nervous taking it, but its essential.....so I basically have to deal with the possible serious side effect. 2- Even though they never found the source, they suspect it to be whats known as a diverticuli, which is a random lump that forms on the colon, and because its basically just stretching out the skin of the colon in that spot, makes it weak enough for a tear.

Once I was discharged, it was about 10 days before I had anything close to a moderate amount of energy. The first 4 or 5 days, even getting up to grab something 3 feet away could cause me to be exhausted for a few moments. I'm finally past that.....mostly (I still get that maybe once/twice a day)... as I now can go out for several hours at a time, and only have minimal exhaustion when I finally get home. I feel a lot of that comes to eating better, as the first few days I was eating a very small amount of food compared to what I used to, at the end of the day, I just didnt have a lot of calories to draw from. It still isnt all in the clear though. I still have to pace myself on what I put my energy into, I am still tired often & nap even more than the fairly frequently amount I previously did, and watch what I eat, and still will have to take these meds for at least a year.

After getting 7 blood transfusions, it is pretty important to me now to encourage those who are eligible, to donate blood. While for me, it was a case of being horribly unwell & better, many others, it is literally life or death. So here are places to sign up to donate.
Canadian Blood Services
American Red Cross
(United Kingdom) Give Blood
Australian Red Cross
Japanese Red Cross (in English) (in Japanese)
France (in English) (in French)
Some others I looked for, became more challenging than I expected.

Lastly, to the medical staff at St. Pauls Hospital, from BOTH stays, (with the exception of 1 nurse on Day 1 of the bleeding issue stay, who I very much think should be forced to retire. She was utterly unprofessional.) a massive thank you to all the Nurses, technicians, and Doctors involved. Even when I was frustrated with things I was told, you gave 110% to doing what you felt was best for me. Especially 10Xs as much thanks to the ones to came in with no time wasted to deal with the vomiting issues.

In closing, I fucking detest February, and not much of a fan of March either.